Dying To Ask

How To Make New Friends When You're An Adult

Is it just me or is making new friends as an adult harder than when you were a kid? 

There are entire Reddit boards dedicated to helping people in their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond make new friendships. 

The reality is we form new connections differently as we age. Some of it is location based.  College students have built in opportunities to meet new people through classes and shared living arrangements. 

But, things change when you graduate and move into the real world. Get married or become a parent and they change again.  You find yourself in new environments and those opportunities to form new connections shrinks based on your responsibilities. 

But having good friends is key to managing stress and happiness. But it's definitely harder to meet new friends as an adult. 

I met Cindy Muchnick, an educational consultant and co-author of The Parent Compass, during the pandemic when I interviewed her on Zoom.  We found ourselves chatting about all kinds of things after the interview.  Years later, we've only seen each other in person one time. But, we now exchange Christmas cards! 

Cindy recently moved and has gone all-in on cementing her friend circle.  In one case, that meant trying to re-establish a friendship with a college classmate turned Facebook friend she hadn't talked to in 30 years!  

"One day I just sent her a private message, and I said, hey, do you want to Zoom? I haven't talked to you in like 30 years. I'm super embarrassed, but I'd love to hear what your life has been since college, and she said, yes," said Cindy.  

 On this Dying to Ask:

• How your age impacts your friend circle
• How to reconnect with an old friend
• Where to find new friends
• And the 'Real Housewife' Cindy reconnected with through an email

Loving Your Day Job With Olympic Gold Medalist David Wise

It's easy to leave a job when you're miserable. It's way harder when you're happy. And David Wise loves his day job. 

And that's why the 34-year-old freeskier has decided to push to make his fourth Olympic Team despite being one of the older competitors in freeskiing. 

"I still love going out there and grinding and doing this day in and day out, and so I don't want to stop before I feel like I'm done," David said. 

David is a three-time Olympian who has won two gold medals and a silver in ski halfpipe. 

His trophy case is full of titles and awards he's won since he was a teenager. At 34, he's a veteran of his sport. But that's not the only thing that makes him stand out. 

David is also married and a father of two.  That's unusual in his sport and he's always said having a family has given him a balance many athletes lack. His daughter homeschools and sometimes travels with him to training and competitions.

"Now, my daughter's 13 years old," Wise said. "She has teenager problems."

On this Dying to Ask: 

• How to know if you're really happy at work 
• The question David asked himself and his family when deciding to go for a 4th Olympic Team.
• What David is not willing to do to stay in his job
• And advice on how to achieve work-life balance from an Olympic dad

 

Check out my TV story on David Wise here: 

 

Other places to listen

CLICK HERE to listen on iTunes
CLICK HERE to listen on Stitcher
CLICK HERE to listen on Spotify

 

Boost Your Mental Battery With Calm CEO David Ko

Where's your battery level? It might be the best question you can ask to gauge your mental health.

That's the advice from David Ko.

His new book, Recharge, challenges readers to give their mental health the same attention they give their cellphone battery.

"Everyone looks at their phone battery. Some people want to keep it charged all the time at like 90%. Some people will take it all the way down or put it in the yellow. And so we wanted to give you some tips and techniques in terms of making some of those parallels," says David.

David is the CEO of the Calm meditation and wellness app. You'd think he'd be the master of all things Zen. He's not. He's a guy with a big tech job, a family and all the stressors of normal life.

He overheard a friend ask her kid "how's your battery" rather than saying "how are you" and the power of the analogy struck him. 

David says, "People look at their phone over a 150 times a day at a minimum. They're constantly looking at it. And so every once in a while, check on yourself when you pick up that phone, and if you need to take a break, take a break."

David's book features interviews with everyone from rapper Macklemore to former Apple CEO John Sculley to to former NFL player Carl Nassib. 

You'll learn practical strategies to top off a low mental battery and develop mental resilience. 

On this Dying to Ask:

• How the concept of a mental battery works
• How to recharge your mental battery
• Why stress isn't always a bad thing
• Advice for talking to your friends and family about mental health
• How being transparent about low mental battery days has transformed David as a leader and a dad.

Go Farther, Faster With Change Expert Michael Lopez

Willpower is great until it isn't. You need to plan to make habit changes and goals stick.

And Michael J. Lopez is the man with the plan.

He's a transformational expert who helps companies and individuals develop strategies to follow through on goals. Lopez has worked with everyone from DoorDash to Chlorox to Meta.

The former football player-turned-coach says everyone needs a set of systems to pull off productivity and self-growth.

"The first thing I tell people is the same brain that got you into the habits that maybe you want to break isn't the same brain that's going to get you out of it," Lopez said.

Lopez's new book is called "Change: Six Science-Backed Strategies to Transform Your Brain, Body and Behavior." Michael offers practical and actionable ideas to make transformation stick.

Understanding why your brain doesn't want to do the hard work is critical. It can be as simple as re-framing how you look at an effort vs an outcome.

"We know that the brain is at its best when it's striving," Lopez said. "And so if I'm pursuing an effort as the goal instead of an outcome, I actually will keep my motivation a lot higher."

Want a promotion at work? Listen to this.

Need to lose weight or change your health? Listen to this.

Want to simplify how you approach big tasks? Listen to this.

On this Dying to Ask:

• How Michael became a transformational expert
• Why willpower is not a plan
• How to change your relationship with stress and use it to your advantage
• How to reset after setbacks and why failure is your friend

Other places to listen

CLICK HERE to listen on iTunes
CLICK HERE to listen on Stitcher
CLICK HERE to listen on Spotify

Drive In Silence To Improve Your Mental Health

Do you hear that? If your answer is "no, I hear nothing," your mental health may be better than most.

There are a lot of brain benefits to the sound of silence. Science backs improvements to health and creativity.

The easiest way to find some peace and quiet? Drive in silence. That's just one of the hacks we're exploring in this week's episode.

Have high blood pressure? Take a minute and sit in silence. Can't figure out a solution to a problem? Give yourself the gift of being still and quiet and see if those ideas get flowing.

The challenge is we live in a very loud world. There's noise and stimulation everywhere from AirPods to constant steaming to endless Zoom calls.

But finding ways to sneak in some silence can impact how you feel and perform.

On this Dying to Ask:

• The scientific benefits of silence
• How silence helps mental blocks and improves focus
• Four ways to sneak more silence into your day

Don't Be A Quitter On Quitter's Day!

Two words. Don't quit. Easier said than done, especially on Quitter's Day.

The second Friday of January is known as Quitter's Day.

It's the day you're most likely to give up on a New Year's resolution or goal. Most resolutions are health and fitness related.

Strava is a social network for athletes. It tracks more than 800 million user generated workouts annually. User data shows a sharp decline each year by the second Friday in January.

So, how can you not be a statistic?

On this Dying to Ask:

• 3 ways to not become a Quitter's Day statistic
• What I'm resolving to do this year after being shown up by my 85-year-old mother

Mentioned in the episode:

Learn about the power of mini streaks here.

How to road test a goal before you start it here.

Start a Habit Mini-Streak in 5 With Fitz

Have you ever kept up a streak? A mini streak is a great way to start a new habit.

A mini streak is a short period of time of intense focus on a behavior you hope to make a long-term habit. It's a bite-sized commitment that can be easily attainable and perhaps inspire bigger, more meaningful change at a later date.

In this 5 with Fitz, learn three ways to try out a habit mini streak.

 

Other places to listen

CLICK HERE to listen on iTunes
CLICK HERE to listen on Stitcher
CLICK HERE to listen on Spotify

How Jill Martin Made It Through Breast Cancer And A Divorce In The Same Year

Jill Martin is coming off one of those "what's next" kind of years. And, she says she's kinder and more grateful because of it.

"I mean this year. First it's breast cancer, and you know, through the kitchen sink then a divorce. A new company. But it's it's turning around," says Jill.

For 18 years, lifestyle host Jill Martin has dazzled Today Show fans with her style and energy. Her trademark 'Steals and Deals' segments carved a niche in morning television that's been replicated all over.

But Jill's uncanny ability to tap into trendy products she believes in have set her apart.

Life was going great until it wasn't.

Last year she dealt with breast cancer and a divorce while launching a new company.

"I would go and do Steals and Deals and then go for chemo, and then lay in bed for the rest of the time," says Jill.

A product from that new company was just named to Oprah's Favorite Things. Her health and personal life are back on track.

And Jill is sharing her journey about how kindness and gratitude have helped her emerge stronger than ever with a new purpose.

She's using her platform to encourage women to test for the breast cancer gene.

Jill says, "I am so grateful that I told it because I've saved so many lives, and like that is what I feel. God has put me on this earth to do. I really do feel like that. And I wasn't. I didn't speak like that prior to this, but that's what I believe.

On this Dying to Ask:

• How Jill balanced chemo and her Today Show duties
• Why launching a company *while going through the worst year of her life ended up being a great thing
• The role kindness and gratitude played in her physical and emotional recovery
• And Jill takes us behind the scenes of "Steals and Deals"

Why You Should Text And Don't Call With Etiquette Expert Diane Gottsman

Is a phone call an act of aggression? The answer is it depends.

The latest digital trend recommends texting before calling someone and it's a dividing people based on their communication preferences.

Diane Gottsman is the founder of the Protocol School of Texas. She coaches professionals across the county on modern etiquette which often comes down to communication styles.

"My best advice is to read the room," Diane says. 

Not sure how your boss wants to communicate with you? Ask.

But what about the rest of us? Is it really bad to call a friend who crossed your mind? What about a friend who rapid-fires text missives like they're wiffle balls?

It's a digital minefield out there!

On this Dying to Ask:

• How phone calls became so polarizing.
• How to end an endless text exchange.
• Why you should never leave a voicemail.
• What to do when your teens ghost you for hours but expects you to answer immediately.

How Julia Forbes Gets Nine Hours Of Sleep A Night

Can't sleep? You're not alone but getting some good ZZZ's could be one hack away.

The U.S. News & World Report annual survey on sleep is out. Survey says: 75% of us are too stressed out to get a good night's sleep.

Julia Forbes is the magazine's sleep editor. She says there's a lot keeping us up.

"Life stressors. You have work. You have kids. There are big world events that are top of mind that we also cover in our sleep survey," says Julia.

Julia's journey to becoming an expert on all things sleep is fascinating. And, she reports getting nine hours of sleep a night so she practices what she preaches.

Bad sleep is linked to everything from health issues to mood problems.

That phrase "everything is better after a good night's sleep?" It's legit.

Want to increase productivity? You need to sleep.

Want to be in a better mood? You need to sleep.

Having issues with your partner? Try sleeping with or without that partner.

Sleep divorces are on the rise for the third year in a row and Julia says some sleep honesty can be great for relationships and she makes a great pitch for a sleep split.

"I'm not sleeping well, I don't think you are either. So here is something. We can try to fix that," says Julia.

On this Dying to Ask:

• How Julia became a sleep expert
• A simple hack to get better sleep tonight
• Why mattresses matter and how to pick a good one
• A deep dive into the sleep divorce trend
• And advice for people like me who work non-traditional hours on how to feel better when nine hours isn't an option